Watching the little boy I gave birth to go home with another family was certainly not easy. Many times I have been asked why I decided to give the baby to someone else. There isn’t one set reason I can give them. So many factors come into play when facing this decision, and it isn’t an easy choice to make. The most important thing you need to ask yourself is this: What quality of life would I be giving this child? 
When I got pregnant, I was in less than ideal circumstances and was only 17. So now looking back, the things that were most important to me were these:
1. I wanted a couple in a loving and committed relationship who were ready for the challenges a baby brought.
2. I wanted my child in a financially stable home who could provide for the everyday needs of a child without the parents being gone all the time.
3. I still had a lot of growing up to do.
4. I wanted to raise my own family when I felt the time was right.
5. I didn’t have the patience or emotional and physical stamina to handle a child. I was even the aunt who wouldn’t babysit, change a diaper, or do anything but play with my nieces and nephews.
All in all, I wanted the child to have a better life than I could have ever hoped to have given him. Looking back, I don’t regret my decision one bit. I have two children now and I know the pros and cons of raising children. Children are hard. I will be the first to admit that even now I wonder if I’m up to the challenge. But having a loving companion at my side and knowing we can provide for our children puts my mind well at ease.
When faced with this choice I know there is the huge stigma of, “If I give this baby to someone else it shows that I don’t love them and can’t deal with my own problems.” I never wanted a little boy to feel I didn’t love him. So I made a deal with the adoptive couple. While I was pregnant I kept a journal for the baby. I let him know how hard the choice was for me, and the reasons I did it. I think one day that will make it much easier on him. I know it made it easier for me. We also have an open adoption. When the time comes that he wants more answers, I will be just a phone call away.
Most of all, I did it because deep down I knew that is where he needed to be. I had prayed and prayed to know where he should go. Every scenario I had in my head of me keeping him felt like something was missing in his life. And my answer was one that I had a very hard time dealing with. Looking back now, I’m proud of what I did and I know that the Lord had a plan for me. That plan was to give a beautiful baby boy to a couple who couldn’t conceive a child on their own, and for me, years later, to have a family of my own. Adoption brought me closer to my own family, closer to the adoptive couple, and closer to God. It was truly one of the best things that ever happened to me.